


And Longer If I Can

by poetdameron



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Prompt: Milestones - Dates, Round 4, Tumblr: Buzzfeed Creations Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 16:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15146768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetdameron/pseuds/poetdameron
Summary: After Shane makes an "odd" question, Ryan can't stop thinking about the possible implications of it, obsession over the one conclusion most likely to (not) be: Shane is breaking up with him sometime soon.





	And Longer If I Can

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time participating in [The BuzzFeed Creations Challenge](https://thebuzzfeedchallenge.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, I got the prompt "X number of dates" of the Milestones themes for Round 4 with my partner [rpfisnasty](https://rpfisnasty.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. I chose date #500 because Shane and I are that extra.
> 
> I enjoyed a lot making this fic based on something my good friend Joey once told me and our other friends on discord. Honestly, this wouldn't exist without him. I love you tons, man. I wouldn't be as happy in this fandom if it wasn't for you. Hope you like this.
> 
> Edited by [haunted-gays](https://haunted-gays.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, who is my actual child and I love. Thank you all for your help!
> 
> If you have tumblr and you liked this, please support me by reblogging the [original post](http://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/175493738417/and-longer-if-i-can-shyan-bfu-fic-the)!

**And Longer If I Can**

**MONDAY**

It was Monday, just the first day of the long week, and all Ryan could think about was, “he’s gonna break up with me”.

Which, to be fair, may had been something he shouldn’t be so fixated on, especially when he had as much work as Shane did, and when he himself had not said a single word about it.

“You are being… fucking bananas, to be honest.” Zack said, Justin nodding at his side. “What makes you think he’s going to break up with you?”

“He’s acting weird!”

“Ryan,” Brent sighed before speaking again once he took Ryan’s attention. The man looked like if he had gotten a parking ticket before saying, “you re the most conspiracy nuttjob I know and you are probably exaggerating something, like, he being tired. Or being hungry.”

“Who the hell asks you if you are happy out of nowhere, uh? Of course I’m happy, why does he has to ask that in the first place? And then, he—he just looked at me like this,” Ryan tried to conceive his best impression of Shane’s little frown when his brows meet and his nose wrinkles. “He never looks at me like this.”

“When you are looking…” Justin added, taking a sip of his coffee. The noise that came from Ryan’s mouth was unholy, it almost made the others laugh if it wasn’t for how genuinely desperate and sad he looked. “I mean—not in that way, that can mean many things, you know? Maybe he is just planning something?”

“Like what?”

No one had an answer to that, just like Ryan hadn’t had one to his anxiety since Saturday night when Shane, while taking a shower with him, asked with the softest voice, “Are you happy?”

It had been such a weird little thing. At first, Ryan thought it was almost cute. They had been joking about having shower sex all day, and when both had walked in, none dared to make a move. They had cleaned each other’s backs and Shane had been putting shampoo on Ryan when he asked.

“Well, yes.” Ryan answered then, big smile on his lips. “What—“ that’s when it happened, when he saw the thoughtful expression on Shane’s face. It made him feel uneasy. “What makes you ask?”

After a long pause, Shane finally answered with a small smile. “Nothing, baby.”

If it was nothing, why had it made Ryan feel trapped? What had it made him run to his friends for answers Shane seemed to not have?

Ryan swallowed, looking at his friends eating in silence. None said anything else, and he missed Steven and Jake. Maybe he should call his brother, ask for his opinion. Maybe Roland would have a better input, being gay and in a relationship, too. Maybe Danny, now married, could help him out.

Or, he could just simply ask Shane.

He didn’t.

* * *

 

**TUESDAY**

Shane never comes home late, and when he does, he always makes sure Ryan knows. But not today. No, today Ryan was left alone to his thoughts without any previous announcement. It made him feel worse than he had been feeling all week and it was only fucking Tuesday.

He sighed, watching the corns pop in front of him as he waited to watch a movie or maybe get some work done.

His distraction had been making a mess of his work, job days passing like water through his fingers and him unable to finish anything just yet. Today, TJ had given him A Look and Ryan knew soon everyone would know something was wrong.

But Shane, man. He seemed to not see him now. Had this been happening before? Had he just never realized until now?

With his new food in hand and a beer, Ryan walked to their living room where this Unsolved documentary awaited. A part of him felt weird watching it, the name of his baby displayed on some Netflix sheet that was, obviously, better produced that his work and it just—

He was fucking depressed, alright.

Shane was MIA and hadn’t answered any of his messages, let alone calls, and fuck everything—he was worried, jealous of a non-existent person or thing, and sad about that question and how odd Shane had been acting.

Even in his saddest and most angry moments, Shane always managed to make him feel better, to make him feel loved. He never failed in reminding him they were a good couple, that they make a good team, and could be happy forever if they keep nurturing their relationship as they always did.

Today, the man was lost to nothing. And so was Ryan, silently crying while watching a documentary about Tupac and Biggie.

* * *

 

**WEDNESDAY**

The kid they had assigned to run the Instagram account never failed to make Shane laugh, and Ryan always thought it was cute. Today? Not so much.

He was being fucking horrible to everyone, snapping here and there, making sarcastic remarks that seemed to come out of some dark corner nobody knew existed in him, but Ryan was tired and his head throbbed in pain, and Shane hadn’t even told him why he was so late yesterday.

“What were you doing?” Ryan insisted before recording an instastory for their Instagram. “Why can’t you tell me?”

“Uh, Ryan—“ Shane looked wide eyed at the kid, the intern swallowed visibly and waited. “I told you, I was with Scott, went for dinner and I ran some errands with him.”

“What—“

“Actually, I’m seeing him today, too. You can go home earlier if you want.”

Ryan stood there, cold and silent.

This has never happened before, Shane blatantly not wanting to tell him where he was going and what he was doing. Hell, he never had to ask before because Shane either shared it or didn’t look as suspicious as he did now. Or was it just Ryan going crazy?

He said nothing, barely smiled and said the things he needed for the story. Their poor intern looked concerned, but nothing came from his mouth either.

Let him fuck up some bullshit on Instagram again, let Shane be sneaky and an asshole. Let this fucking week be over already.

Ryan was tired.

“Are you…” Ryan started later that night as Shane took off his contacts.

“Uhm?” He hummed, taking out the last one carefully.

The light of their bathroom lingered softly on the floor of their bedroom where the lights were off already, their bed still made, cold, waiting for them. They won’t get at it tonight, Ryan could feel it, especially not with what he was about to say.

“Are you avoiding me?”

Shane looked taken by surprise, he looked at him for a few seconds before turning his eyes back to himself in the mirror. He stuttered while talking, asking why the question, laughing like an idiot, like a kid caught doing something he shouldn’t be and Ryan’s shoulders felt heavy.

“Baby,” Shane called him when he crossed his arms and walked away, deep into their bedroom. “Baby, look at me, please.”

He felt the man’s hands on his shoulders and, hesitating, he looked back. Shane seemed nervous, not sure of what to do and that was—that was sickening. Shane always knew what to do, especially when it came to him.

They knew each other better than they have known anyone else, they were The Team, they were together in everything and could spend months apart to only get back home and love the other deeper. But tonight—tonight would that be a thing? Ryan swallowed.

“I’m not avoiding you, Ryan.” Shane said. “I’m sorry you feel like that, that was not… that’s not what I wanted you to feel or anything. I’m just helping my brother out.”

“With what?”

He hesitated for a bit, but then sighed. “He’s planning a surprise for Sal.” He said with a smile. “It’s a big secret, but you’ll see on Saturday.”

“Saturday?” Ryan frowned, they hadn’t make plans at all for the day. “What’s on Saturday?”

“The surprise, Ryan!” Shane chuckled, his sweet smile was back and Ryan sighed, waiting for more. “Look, I can’t tell you. I promised to not say shit, but—someone might get engaged.”

A big lump of pressure left Ryan’s body, his shoulders felt light for the first time all week and he smiled up at Shane, but the man was kissing him before he could even say anything else, apologize maybe.

It didn’t matter. He accepted his boyfriend’s kiss immediately, feeling the same butterflies he felt since the first time he laid eyes on him that weird morning they met, so many years ago now.

Shane’s kisses were always warm. He accepted, in moments like these, that he liked his face cradled in the man’s hands and the way his thumb would caress his cheek and Shane’s lips would coax his to open, the softness of his tongue playing with his, going deeper, exploring places Ryan didn’t even knew existed in him.

This time, though, Ryan deepened the kiss and took entrance on Shane’s mouth, making the man laugh and put his arms around his neck, over his shoulders.

Ryan moved a little, hands holding Shane in place by his waist and he smiled when, even leaning down so they could kiss properly, Shane went up his tip toes and laughed when they gasped apart for air.

“Well, someone is getting his dick sucked tonight.” Shane said with a wide smile, Ryan’s cheeks went red.

“Shut up, Shane.”

“Aww, come on…” Shane pushed him to the bed, Ryan smiled and opened his legs as the man stepped in his space. “Feed me well, baby.”

Ryan swallowed, cheeks red at the words, the entire situation, Shane’s hands caressing up and down his thighs, the intensity of his eyes on his face.

“Fuck…” Ryan lifted himself a little, letting Shane take off his boxers.

“That’s the idea, Ry.”

* * *

 

**THURSDAY**

Part of him wished he could stop being such a nervous mess, but Ryan couldn’t help but notice Shane leaving the office with lame excuses and texting him to not wait for him for lunch. He couldn’t help but see him on Instagram, liking shit and following people, same as on twitter, but nothing else. Shane ghosted the hell out of social media little before they got together, and for Ryan, the repeat of that situation was not a good signal.

Brent narrowed his eyes at this, probably wished he hadn’t walked in on Ryan looking miserable at this hour of the day in the fucking kitchen, but said nothing else, letting Ryan get it all out.

Their first date had been—well, amazing. Shane had planned it for an entire damn month. He had planned it so well, it reminded him of how obsessed he was with making the first episode of Ruining History perfect, and how much he wanted to repeat shit if they didn’t go well in his videos, Unsolved being the only thing he let be raw.

When they made it official, it had been their third date and Ryan was sure since the first. There was no one he wanted but Shane, he had been fucking pining for him, maybe even before breaking up with his ex. His friends had been so tired of him talking about good ol’ long legs, but they were happy when things started going steady between them.

They were a great couple.

“You know, Ryan…” Brent started, massaging his closed eyes with his fingers of the same hand. He looked tired. “None of your friends are the right person to ask about these things.”

Ryan frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You have to talk to Shane, man.”

“I tried yesterday—“

“You asked him what he was doing and he gave you answer, but that didn’t make you feel any better. Did it?”

“At the moment…”

Brent shrugged. “Dude, then why can’t you accept it? He just told you the truth—“

“He is not with his brother!”

Brent frowned, Ryan knew what was coming and he knew he had to take it because he deserved it.

“Ryan, how do you know that?”

“I just—“ Ryan swallowed, passing a hand through his hair, looking down at their feet. “I asked him.”

“And…?”

“And before asking him, I followed what he was doing from his Instagram and twitter.”

“Jesus Christ, Ryan!” Brent left his empty coffee mug in the counter and walked towards Ryan until they were facing each other, his hands wen to Ryan’s shoulders. “What are you doing? You are turning yourself into a fucking mess over nothing! All you have to do is ask Shane what is going on, why he asked you that—that’s it!”

“It’s not that easy!”

“It is!”

“No!”

“It is, godda—“

“What if he breaks up with me?!” Ryan finally lefts out. “What if—what if I’m right and he is drifting away, and me asking just makes matters worse. What am I gonna do, uh? What?”

He didn’t cry at least. Brent stayed with him for a few minutes longer, in silence, one hand on his shoulder, some sort of bro semi-hug that Ryan hadn’t realized he needed until that moment. They didn’t speak about the matter any longer, but it did help Ryan make up his mind.

Asking Shane directly was the only thing to do, and with that in mind—he went home to Shane, thinking of the past, of all those moments he treasured in him. Like that first moment he saw him, five o’clock making such a nice shadow on his face, his silly laugh at embarrassing little errors he made that first day at work—

Shane asking him to spend the night in his apartment, the first time they made love, how fucking good it felt to have him inside, how he felt when he realized Shane couldn’t stop looking into his eyes. It had been in their fifth date, the perfect date—all day out on a Saturday:

Breakfast, the movies, lunch, Disneyland, dinner at the park—and Shane’s apartment. The place they shared now.

Ryan sighed, opening their door, soft music hitting his ears when he did so. Inside, Shane was on the phone, sitting on their little terrace, giggling like a little kid, without noticing Ryan was there. He walked towards him, trying to make out what he was saying.

“Yeah, tomorrow.” Shane said.

Tomorrow was date night for them. Ryan blinked and walked in silence, the music on the back not really helping his situation. That song always reminded him of Shane, even if it reminded Shane of his father and going fishing with him and his brother.

“Yup! One last fancy date and then—“ He slapped his hand on his thigh and Ryan’s eyes went big, big, big. “And then, freedom from this hell! One new chapter in o— Oh. Oh, shit.” Ryan blinked, Shane was looking at him but he didn’t register anything else, he was just staring at the man with his arms crossed over his chest. “I have to go, bye.” And he hanged up quickly. “Ry!”

Ryan walked inside faster than he ever has.

He could hear Shane walking as fast behind him, asking if he was okay, what had happened, if everything was alright. But all Ryan wanted to do was either yell at him or cry, neither of the options enough to help him and so, his brain decided to leave him numb as he bit his nails, trying to understand what those words could mean in another context aside from what his brain was screaming.

“Baby!”

Shane’s face was so close to his. Ryan blinked a couple of times, not sure of what was going on. He realized then that his boyfriend’s hands were gripping his shoulders firm yet gentle, shaking him awake from whatever had happened.

He smelled of flowers, not of wood and coffee as always. Flowers. Unfamiliar.

“Ryan, wha—“

“The… the other day, you asked me if I’m happy.” Ryan said, swallowing when Shane closed his mouth with a click of his teeth. “W—why?”

Shane didn’t answer right away, he shot a look at his watch, then walked away from him to close the crystal door of their terrace. Ryan waited as he had done the entire week, and when Shane finally looked at him, his heart felt tiny.

“Just wanted to make sure…”

Ryan frowned. “For what? I mean—I’ve been with you for almost three years, of course I’m happy.”

“Yeah, I know!” Shane swallowed visibly, he passed a hand through his hair and walked towards Ryan. After a second or two of hesitation, his big hands landed on Ryan’s biceps. “Have you been worried about that? Is that why you’ve been jumpy?”

“ _ Jumpy _ ?” His voice echoed in their apartment, irritation cooking at the pit of his stomach.

Shane laughed. “See right there? Ryan,” the man rounded him with his arms. It felt good to bury his face on his chest, on his scent that always made him feel safe, and his warm that destroyed his fears, “baby… I’m sorry I made you worried. I love you,” Ryan’s heart jumped at that, “I want to know you are happy at all times—“ He moved to look at him, Ryan blinked tears away and looked back at Shane, “with me, I mean. That’s all, I swear.”

Ryan hugged him tighter, hoping the feeling would just go away. He was listening to all Shane was saying, he felt his hands caress him, soothing him into tranquility, and yet—yet his heart felt heavy.

He had those words making an echo in his ears as they walked between kisses to their couch, as they got naked as Shane eat him out, as his fingers prepared him for Shane’s cock, as he got to ride him, eyes locked on Shane’s, moaning into his lips, arching his back as the man kissed his chest, toyed with his nipples, told him praises and words of love that would have made him feel complete any other time.

Freedom, Shane seemed to want. When did he stopped feeling free with him?

Shane got to carry him to their room, giggling when Ryan made him lay over him. He fell asleep with Shane’s head on his chest, and he woke up to the man gone, their bedroom door open and light coming from the other end of the hallway.

Ryan followed it, Shane’s dark blue shirt on him to cover him from the cold or some sort of modesty after years of seeing each other’s naked, eating each other’s asses and swallowing each other’s come. He shook his head at himself, he was the fucking worse.

“Shane?” He called to no answer.

The door to their terrace was opened again, Shane was standing on the balcony, elbows on the ironwork, phone on his ear.

“I swear to God—tomorrow. It’s going to be over tomorrow.” He heard him say, Ryan’s hands fell to his sides and something inside him dropped with them. “You won’t have to suffer this anymore, I swear.”

Shane giggled again, something cold going down Ryan’s neck. He bit his bottom lip, the wetness of that cold evident since it was followed by more silent tears.

“Look, I know I’ve been an asshole, but—you deserve the best.” Shane sighed, sounding tired. “I’ll make up to you, Linda. Just this one last date and  _ finite _ !”

He walked back to the bedroom, buried his face on his pillow and cried to it.

So that was it, huh? That was—

At some point, he had fallen asleep. Cold kisses woke him up, yellow lights from the street up in the ceiling. When he looked back slightly, he made out Shane’s figure, again naked, kissing his shoulder down his entire arm.

Ryan buried his face on the pillow again, his stomach sick. He wanted to shrug the bastard away, tell him he had heard him, tell him to go sleep with Linda. But he was too tired to talk or even think properly.

“I love you.” He heard Shane say, his heart stopped but he couldn’t open his eyes. “I’m so sorry.” He kissed his temple. “I never wanted to hurt you.” He said, kissing his cheek and finally laying down at his side, passing an arm around his waist and covering both of them with their sheets.

Bastard. How could he? How could he do this to him? Ryan bit his lip, willing tears to not appear again.

* * *

 

**FRIDAY | DATE NIGHT**

This hellish week had resulted worse than Ryan had thought.

He had piled up work to do, a very angry manager that had noticed his distraction and lack of motivation, the fact that he had done nothing this week. At his side, Shane was a sweaty mess, fingers constantly playing with something, leg moving under his desk, annoying Ryan like it never had before.

It only made everyone around them wonder, what the fuck? What could possibly be wrong with the office’s favorite couple? Ryan wanted to flip them all off. He was so upset; he couldn’t even enjoy Steven’s visit at lunch.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” The man asked for the third time.

Ryan massaged the bridge of his nose with closed eyes. “Nothing, I swear.”

“No shit. I don’t believe you.” He answered. “Come on, tell me!”

“Okay, so—“ He sighed, hoping Steven would just shut up. They were alone after all; near their workplace, some of their coworkers in other tables, but alone. “I… I think Shane is breaking up with me.”

“WHAT?!”

So much for privacy. Steven closed his mouth, looking surprised with himself, he looked at their sides and waved an apology to the people behind him.

“Uhm—“ He took a sip of his soda, then cleared his throat. “What do you mean?” Steven asked almost in a whisper. “That can’t be true!”

“Look, I don’t know—“ Ryan swallowed. “There’s been a few things… like, it all started because he asked me if I was happy.”

“That’s nothing—“

“But then,” Ryan made sure to make clear there was more coming, “he started to act oddly. The other day, he… he’s been coming home late, he lied to me about being with his brother the other day, he wasn’t. And that day he came home smelling of flowers.”

Steven’s mouth opened big, Ryan kept talking anyway: “And I heard him talking on the phone with God knows who, some woman named Linda. And he was telling her that—“

“Stop right there!” Steven said, hand in front of Ryan’s face. “Ryan Bergara, are you listening to yourself? Are you accusing Shane of cheating?”

“I…”

“You are!” Steven seemed pissed. “I can’t believe you! You know what? Even if—even  _ if _ , something is happening, all you have to do is ask him and you haven’t.”

“I have, I asked what he has been doing, why he asked me that, i—“

“Did you tell him about the call? The Linda woman?”

“No—I couldn’t! Steven, you have no idea how I felt in that moment, okay! Everyone keeps telling me I have to talk to him, but have you stopped to think how hard this is?” He said, knowing his gestures were making everyone to look at him. “My boyfriend may be cheating on me! Do you even start to comprehend how I feel? Last night, when he came back to our bedroom, he kissed my shoulder and said he loved me, he said he was sorry and that he didn’t want to hurt me and—“

Ryan’s nose hurt, he was about to cry again and Steven reflected all that bullshit he had inside. His friend seemed to finally understand Ryan’s point, his pain. After that, there was only silence and the shadow of Ryan’s thoughts following around, even when Steven tried to calm him down, to make him see that there were other options, maybe this was just a big misunderstanding.

Maybe. Maybe not.

The ride home after work was strange. Shane drove in silence and only spoke up to ask him if he was okay, Ryan nodded and almost fell asleep in the traffic. He did sleep at their apartment, Shane laying at his side on the couch, hugging him to his chest and it only made him feel worse.

He wanted to ask about Linda, he wanted to say so many things. But all he managed was a kiss to Shane’s chin and sleep, sleep all his worries away.

When he woke up, he was on their bed with the air conditioner on, Shane nowhere to be seen. That was when he heard the shower and on his phone saw the time; they should be getting ready for their date.

Their last date.

“You’re awake.” He heard Shane said.

“You’re gonna get sick, wait—“ Ryan stood, going for the controller that was always on Shane’s side of the bed, the man laughed behind him as he turned off the machine. “Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?”

“You looked too cute to wake up.”

“Ha-ha, fuck you.” Ryan flipped him off, and it almost felt normal with Shane’s little laugh as he walked to their closet. “What are you wearing?”

“Uhmmm…” He seemed to be searching for something, only then Ryan noticed he was wearing just a towel around his waist.

He could crawl to him, take off the towel and suck him off. Ryan was proud of his skills at dick sucking, and he knew exactly what Shane liked, how he liked it, and when to do it right. Maybe if he did it good for him, he wouldn’t leave—

Ryan resisted the urge of slapping his own face, Shane looked at him with a smile, showing his red plain dressing shirt and black blazer. He suppressed a moan, Shane was going to look so hot tonight and he just—Ryan wanted to die a little.

“Getting fancy, uh?” Ryan stood, walking towards the closet to find something for himself.

“Well, we are going to a very expensive restaurant, so yes.” Shane reminded him, Ryan’s heart felt heavier. “So, these with my black dressing pants. What you think?”

“I’m sucking you off.”

Shane chuckle. “After, baby, we don’t want to be late.” Shane kissed his cheek and Ryan sighed, blue shirt in hands.

He was going to wear the skinniest fucking pants he owned, was gonna make sure his ass looked delicious, his hair on point, probably open the first three buttons of his shirt, look as nice as possible. If he was going to be dumped after this, at least he wanted to make sure Shane knew what he was letting go of.

It seemed to work, the man had the blazer off and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows, leaning on the door’s frame as Ryan finished putting cologne, shirt open still. He saw Shane’s eyes following his body through the mirror, the way he licked his lips and—he moved, getting behind Ryan and smiling.

“You wore something similar to our first date.” He said, Ryan blinked, looking at himself and holy fuck, he did. Ryan only nodded and smiled at him through the mirror, getting ready to style his hair.

But Shane’s hands took him by the waist, his eyes were on his ass and damn, what the fuck was happening now? Suddenly, Ryan had to put his hands on the bathroom’s counter, Shane was making him lean on it with just his hands grabbing his hips, adjusting him to his crotch.

“Shane?”

“You are gorgeous.” He said, eyes on his back, his crotch touched his ass and Ryan’s dick twitched awake, Shane’s semi very much a thing he was feeling. “God, all I want is to bend you over and fuck you right here.”

_ Then do it _ , Ryan wanted to say. Instead, his cock softened at the memory of yesterday night and he moved, breaking the position they were in. Shane let go of his hips, but his hands traveled up his chest, lips on his neck, and Ryan swallowed.

“Shane, we are gonna be late.”

“Yeah, I know.” He answered, hands at the bottom of his shirt. Ryan couldn’t help but smile at Shane buttoning up his shirt, lips still kissing his neck, his jaw, and finally, his lips.

It felt good to be just here, like this. He almost told Shane the truth again, he almost asked him to stay here and never let go. But he didn’t, and so Shane drove them to the restaurant where he was surprised with a dinner in one of the private rooms were only VIP people usually ate.

Ryan’s heart was beating uncontrollably in his chest while he sat there looking at the menu. Shane seemed more confident than earlier today and the image made him want to scream, because—because yeah, this is it. Isn’t it? He was getting dumped tonight for some Linda girl.

“You know…” Shane started, smirk on his face. Ryan recognized the way he was leaning towards him, the way he was looking at him, as Shane preparing the scene for flirting. “I’ve never thought I would be doing something like this.”

The light in the room was dim, the soft murmur of the few people around them combined with the low music would had been a breathtaking scenario if it wasn’t for how much he had suffered this week. Shane looked like a dream, accentuating the sense of finality all of this had.

“No?” Ryan asked, happy to be distracted by the waiter leaving their drinks and asking for their dinner.

They ordered very different things, and Ryan started to wonder if that was a reason for this to happen. He always thought they weren’t too far apart, but maybe the little differences became more of an annoyance to Shane than they were once endearing. The man smiled at him when he looked up, and Ryan went back to distracting himself on his phone.

“Are you okay, Ry?”

“Yeah, man…” Ryan sighed, swallowing before asking: “Are you happy?”

It didn’t seem to phase Shane to hear that, not the way it had thundered through Ryan and made him think the worst as the days passed. Maybe it was going to be different after that night, who knows. Ryan swallowed, Shane moved his hand to the middle of the table to grab his.

“You know, this is our 500 th date.” He said, Ryan frowned. How would he know that? Shane chuckled at his expression. “It’s actually your fault that I know. You always want to take a selfie when we go out.”

“That’s not…” His cheeks felt warm. “That’s not true!”

“But it is!” He laughed, taking his phone and searching for something, fingers still playing with Ryan’s. “Look…” He showed his phone, the archive the screen was displaying showed a folder filled with selfies of them from the two years they had been together. “Look at that number, Ry.”

500 th . Ryan frowned, what was going on?

“What…?”

Shane let go of his hand, passing his through his own hair that went to all directions freely, suddenly looking nervous. “You know, it’s… we always take many pictures, so I always put one for the day in a folder apart—“

“Oh.” Ryan swallowed, smiling a little. “You’d think there would be more dates, huh? We are always together.”

“Well, I didn’t count our trips for Unsolved or other videos. Or when we just stayed home.”

“Makes sense.” Ryan laughed, taking a sip of his drink and trying to calm his shit.

If this was a break up, it was the weirdest kind.

“I was waiting for it to be 500 th .” Shane added, sounding so nervous it almost made Ryan angry. “I—You know…”

“Shane,” Ryan called, the man looked at him and fuck. Why was he looking like that? He looked up at Ryan like an animal trapped in headlights, about to be shot. It made him stay quiet.

“Uhmmm…” He made a strange movement with this fingers in the air before getting them through his hair again.

Ryan opened his mouth to ask what was going on, when he heard his name in the distance. 

“Ryan!”

Looking back, he saw someone waving his hand at him from a few tables away. “Rita?”

His cousin was excitedly waving at him, Ryan saw Shane move from the corner of his eye, and he knew they were going to greet Rita and—his uncles. Rita’s parents were there, too, her siblings… and a table behind, Roland, Paul, Javier and Danny sat all together with their respective couples. What the hell was going on?

“Shane?” Ryan looked at him, but the man wasn’t there, he looked at his side and—“What…?”

On one knee, Shane was smiling up at him with a small velvet box in his hand. Ryan’s eyes went wide open as Shane showed was what inside. A thick, custom made silver ring with tiny white and blue rocks in a belt shone in Ryan’s face.

“Ryan Steven Bergara,” He started, his nose getting red. He was about to cry. “Please make me the happiest man alive, will you marry me?”

There was a pause in which silence fell in, Ryan noticed that everyone in the room was someone they knew. From his family to Shane’s, their parents were in the same table with their respective brothers and their significant others. Even some of their coworkers, their friends from before and the new ones they’ve made as a couple. Ryan looked back at Shane, his face had changed to concern and he was—he was shaking, his hands were shaking horribly.

“Ryan?”

He blinked a couple of times, opening his mouth to answer. 

All this week he had been thinking the worst and forgotten that this was  _ Shane _ , who knew exactly how ridiculous he was, who had asked him months ago the amount of cheesy he could take on a proposal, and had asked about his favorite flowers that were now on the table, and his favorite fancy restaurant where they were eating, and what kind of ring he would dare to use—

And he hadn’t seen it coming. Shane had been gathering information for months, just like he did for their first date. And Ryan was making him wait on one knee, arms shaking, eyes watery. 

Oh fuck.

“Oh, shit. YES!” He said suddenly, sounding like the biggest asshole.

“Uhmm…” Shane stood with him and he didn’t look any less concerned. Ryan had fucked up. “Ryan—“

“I love you!” He put his hands on his neck, tugging to make him lean on him. “God, I love you so much. Of course I want to marry you, you fucking idiot.”

“What—?”

Ryan shook his head, and then murmured: “The entire week you were acting so weird, I thought you were going to break up with me.” Shane’s eyes opened so big, it almost made Ryan laugh. “I heard you talk to some Lin—“ Ryan’s eyes opened wider, Shane started grinning and holy fuck… Holy Fuck. Linda. Linda freakin’ Bergara. “My mom….”

“Well, I needed someone to call your family.”

“Fuck…”

Shane finally laughed, hugging him tight. Ryan hid his face on his chest and then the room filled with strong applauses. Shane showed him the ring again and Ryan smiled, enjoying the way his boyfriend—his fiancé was rocking them slowly.

“I’m blowing you in the bathroom right now.” Ryan murmured against his chest, Shane’s laugh vibrated on his body and man, wasn’t that the best feeling in the world. “I mean it.”

“I like the sound of that, baby. Let it be known romance isn’t dead.”

“You deserve a good blowjob after how stupid I’ve been.”

“Hey,” Shane lifted his chin gently with his fingers, giving him the most tender smile he has ever seen. “Will you marry me? Take two.”

“Fuck yeah. Now shut up and give me my ring.”

“Gold-digger!” He said in a stupid voice, making him chuckle as he moved fast to get the ring out and put it on Ryan’s finger.

Shane’s hands were still shaking a little, hopefully just from pure emotion now. Ryan looked at his hand with the ring on and smiled at it, looking up at Shane while taking his hands in his.

He wanted to say,  _ I’m sorry you’re marrying a paranoid bastard _ , wanted to apologize and remind Shane he wanted this, God knows how much. But before he could even open his mouth, his fiancés lips were on his, soft and full of the dulcet feeling of fullness he always got when he shared all his best moments with Shane.

It boiled nice on his stomach, spread around his body making a little mess of his knees but, luckily, Shane was holding him in place with one hand on his hip, the other caressing patterns on his cheek.

There were those sparkles of every date night in Shane’s eyes when him and Ryan looked at each other, people coming up to congratulate them after giving them a show. All he could see was still Shane, and before they turned to accept everyone’s affection, Ryan kissed him again.

“I love you.” He said, taking his hand and kissing it.

Shane smiled bright at him. “You better.” He answered, winking at him. “’Cause I love you, too.”

The date couldn’t get any better, Ryan decided. There couldn’t be a better moment than this. And while he could be dense and stupid, there was always Shane to ground him and kiss him senseless so his brain would reset and think more clearly.

Shane was always there, and Ryan wanted to love him as long as there was sky above them.

And longer if he could.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! Maybe I'll see you on [my tumblr](http://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/)? Have a good day!


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